Unexpected and yet not...

My life is always full of suddenlies-that is my life often goes careening off in a new direction at the drop of a hat.
For over seven years, I have tried to love my step kids in spite of it not being returned. I kept hoping that love could change them.
Recently, my relationship with my stepdaughter went all to hell, for my husband and I both. You know, all I can say is we really tried to be there for her, to help her in all the messes she got her self into-in spite of her pregnancy and a whole host of other drama. We tried to be the voice of love and reason.
But you know, some people don't want to be loved. It was an awful lesson for me to learn but good lesson at the same time-there are some people that you need to stop pursuing. At some point, love has to be reciprocal. Allowing someone to take and take and take is not love. That's the pill I have had to swallow-to make a long story short.
But oldest stepdaughter and her new baby are going to live in TX...and really, its incredibly painful and incredibly freeing at the same time. My youngest step daughter recently moved with her mom to Cali. That leaves me with my own beautiful daughter. And you know what? It's wonderful to be able to concentrate on life with her instead now. For too many years, I have just been trying to survive, trying to teach two kids that I loved them and would care for them -they took up all our energy with their drama and trauma.
Like I said, I can honestly say with every bone in my body, we tried to do what was right and love them every day of their time with us. And now? We get to start a new life, just the three of us and we are freer than we have ever been. Who knows what we will do next or where we will go now that we don't have to deal with daily drama, anger, negativity and pain from two kids that really ultimately are too damaged to accept love.
I really hope that as they grow older, they will come around and understand love. I really hope that somehow, they both develop the self esteems that allow them to accept love...if they decide they want us in their lives, fine. If not, that is their choice.
I am letting go. My heart may hurt like hell but I have never had so much freedom to spend time with my daughter or family, to spend time with me!
Loving my step kids was always like trying to hold onto and help 2 wounded, angry, hateful cats. Painful as hell and in the end, I just couldn't do enough and neither could my husband.
Off to a new chapter.